


Voices

by Comedia



Series: Postwar Series [4]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: M/M, Raphael Sbarge cameo, Trekkie Kaidan, maybe I don't know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-12
Updated: 2012-09-12
Packaged: 2017-11-14 01:51:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/510037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Comedia/pseuds/Comedia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shepard is bored at the hospital and Kaidan decides that they’ll watch Star Trek. They end up watching the episodes with Raphael Sbarge. Smut happens.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Voices

“I really wanted to show you the originals first. Gotta start in the right place, you know?” 

Shepard is watching him as he’s setting up the equipment. Sure, it’s easy to watch vids on the omni-tool, but Kaidan wants to do this right. Star Trek isn’t something you’re supposed to watch on a small screen, it’s something you’re supposed to experience.

“But?” Shepard drags the word out, trying to get Kaidan’s attention as he’s busy trying to connect the screen with the sound system. 

“But these are the only episodes I could find. And I had to ask Joker for help.”

John looks somewhere between embarrassed and surprised. “You asked Joker?”

“I figured that if anyone knew where to find this stuff it’d be him.”

As he finishes setting up the equipment he can feel Shepard’s eyes on him, watching his every move. Maybe it’s a soldier thing - never letting your guard down - or maybe this has nothing to do with battle. Maybe it’s about always being aware of the other’s presence, valuing the short time they have together. Because right now it is short, with Kaidan visiting most days of the week but often not being able to stay more than an hour.

They’ve never watched a movie together, at least not alone like this and definitely not at the hospital, but they’ve shared this tiny bed enough times to know how to make room for two. These days there are only three machines by the bedside; the humming and occasional beeping subtle enough to ignore.

John isn’t the kind of person to complain, so Kaidan has found himself being overly careful these days. There’s always a second of hesitation before placing a kiss, caressing skin or moving in closer. And just like that he’ll remember what the doctors told him earlier today, before sitting down next to Shepard, being careful not to lean in too close. Not that he’ll be able to protect John this way for long; a surprisingly strong arm wraps around his shoulders and he bites down on his bottom lip not to let out a slight moan. Always being close yet never being close enough… it has been frustrating for both of them and lying close like this doesn’t help, but how could they not when this is all they get? When you’ve been close to losing each-other more times than you can count – or at least more times than you want to – you need this. Kaidan needs this, he needs to make sure it’s real; that John is warm against him and his heart is still beating. Maybe it’s all implants and tech that keeps it going now, but it really doesn’t matter. The pulse, the slightly grey, yet bright blue, eyes and a voice more alluring than it has any right to be… it’s more than real enough for him.

“Joker’s into this Trek-thing too?”

He needs a moment to gather his thoughts before being able to reply.

“Yeah. He said something about how you don’t even understand a deflector dish joke. He also said he’s glad I’m educating you in things that matter and that I should consider doing the same with my students.”

There’s another moment of silence as Shepard simply kneads Kaidan’s shoulder, some strokes working out tension and others just playing with the harsh fabric of the dress blues, his fingers dangerously close to the neckline.

“It’s that important, huh?”

Kaidan used to think that smiling was something you did for the sake of other people. To reassure them, to cheer them up… but lately he’s been smiling for no reason at all. Thinking of John in the middle of a meeting, or late at night when he’s in their alliance funded apartment… smiling when remembering the last hospital visit, coming when thinking of how they’ll soon live there together.

But most of all he’ll be smiling like this, barely aware of it, with Shepard right next to him. It’s not for the sake of anyone else and not something he can control. Not that he’d want to if he could. It’s the simplest, most wonderful form of happiness; something he never thought much about or would even consider looking for, but in the end he found it anyway. Smiling whenever Shepard’s around is natural.

“Of course it’s important. Star Trek is a way of life.”

“Really?” It’s the kind of ‘really’ John only saves for teasing, as transparent and awkward as always.

With the vid starting up there’s only silence and Shepard’s fingertips in his hair, steadily working their way up the back of his head. 

“Yeah, uh”, and John’s hands are softer than they used to, the skin being recently healed with only the unevenness of scars, both new and old ones.

There’s a logo on the big screen, the theme music starting to play only seconds later. It’s something he hasn’t heard in ages, the sound of nostalgia and a safe place; the sound of home. As the music continues and the familiar characters start to appear he realizes that he doesn’t need this the same way he used to; everything he’d look for in this series he’s now found in John.

“Right. What I was going to say was, well, this isn’t the original. It’s not even Enterprise. But it still really good.”

The look on Shepard’s face says he has no idea why it should matter if these episodes are “original” or “enterprise”.

“Sure. I believe you.” When the fate of the galaxy isn’t on the line John is a terrible liar, and he seems even more hesitant to believe Kaidan now that he’s seen the opening to “that Trek thing”.

“Hey”, Kaidan says, this time turning to place a chaste kiss on Shepard’s neck. “If you don’t like it you’re free to reprimand me for wasting your time.”

The chuckle isn’t interrupted by choking or coughing anymore, the same way John’s face is free of bruises and cuts. “I’ll hold you to that, Major.”

And Kaidan can barely stop himself from telling him “shut up”, but he does, somehow, and places a hand on John’s knee instead.

They’re halfway through an episode called Dreadnaught when Shepard turns to him, his eyes wide. It’s an expression Kaidan hasn’t seen in months, the last time being when he walked into this hospital room for the first time. There’s less desperation and relief now though, replaced by surprise and maybe confusion.

“Say something.”

“Something?”

John isn’t about to answer though, he’s staring at the screen again, following the characters with the kind of attention he usually reserves for when Wrex and the kids come to visit.

“Do you know this guy?” If Kaidan hadn’t already been watching him instead of the screen he would’ve missed Shepard pointing at one of the characters. The man has wild, reddish blonde hair and is wearing a yellow uniform. He also happens to be the villain of this story-arc.

He’s about to ask if John is going crazy – this was created more than a hundred years ago after all – when those bright blue eyes turn from the screen to look at him again.

“I mean, are you related? Is that why you started watching this? Because of great-great-grandpa Alenko right there?”

For a moment he simply stares at Shepard, trying to figure out if he’s joking. “What are you talking about?”

John almost flinches when he hears Kaidan’s voice. “You have the same voice, you and that Jonas character. You’re like clones, it’s kind of creepy.”

He turns to the screen again, watching the ginger man. “No we’re not. I don’t see any similarity at all…”

“It’s not about his looks. Just close your eyes and listen.”

John puts his hand over Kaidan’s eyes, the touch light but the palm warm. Surprised by the gesture he needs to take a few deep breaths before actually listening like he was asked to do.

The character has a raspy voice, always calm – even in tense situations. Maybe they sound a little alike, but that’s it.

“I’m sorry, I can’t hear it. I guess we sound kind of similar, but I don’t think…”

The hand travels downwards from his eyes to rest a few fingertips against his lips, silencing him.

“Hey, can we pause the vid for a while?”

John’s voice is nothing more than a murmur – a soft breath against his neck.

“Sure. You’re tired?”

The fingertips are still on his lips and he can barely keep himself from tasting them.

“Not tired, just… uncomfortable.”

It’s not the word itself, but rather the way Shepard says it. When the video pauses there’s nothing but the buzz of the machines, and heavy breathing. Yeah, the past months have been frustrating. It’s not like you can disobey the doctor’s orders, especially not with Chakwas checking in every other week. It’s not even the kind of orders where you can find a loophole; “no intercourse” is pretty straightforward.

“Uncomfortable?”

Now that he isn’t trying to focus on the vid he turns his attention entirely on Shepard, for once trusting himself enough to wrap an arm around his shoulders, trying to ignore the paperlike fabric of the hospital gown.

“I like your voice, that’s all.”

“You do know that wasn’t my voice, right?” There’s another moment of silence. Maybe John is thinking things through, or maybe he’s just distracted. He lowers his hand, almost absentmindedly, from Kaidan’s lips, brushing past a shoulder and down to his lower back.

“Of course I know. But you have to admit that it was pretty crazy and…” and screw the doctor’s orders. Keeping one arm around Shepard’s shoulders he reaches down, placing the other hand on his thigh. John inhales sharply and pushes against the touch, spreading his legs slightly.

Only feeling Shepard through the sheets is not nearly enough, but Kaidan has no intention of removing them. Right now, this is as far as they can go, but it’ll be enough, somehow.

Shepard’s body is not what it used to be. He’s lost a lot of muscle - looking like a shadow of his former self - but he’s still Shepard. There’s no difference in holding him now and holding him back on the Normandy. There’s a faint whisper, it could be Kaidan’s name, and Shepard is hard beneath his touch. 

“Yeah, it is crazy.” His neck is rough against Kaidan’s lips, all harsh stubble and soft skin. “Know what else is crazy? I used to dress up like those guys…”

There’s no answer, only something between a chuckle and a moan as he places a trail of kisses up the neck and along the jawline.

“Not exactly the uniform they use in these episodes, but you get the idea.” He can feel Shepard’s hand at his lower back, tracing along his spine only to clutch his shirt the next moment, searching for something to hold on to. Instead of leaning away to expose the skin of his neck his head is on Kaidan’s shoulder, seeking warmth and support.

“I’d like to…” a shudder, his hand searching across the sheets and brushing over Kaidan’s in the process, “I’d like to see that sometime.”

It’s been months. There’re a lot of Quarian curses and Kaidan’s name, repeated like a mantra. Dry lips and just the grazing of teeth at his collar bone; it’s frustrating to say the least. But to have John like this, shivering in his arms and lashes fluttering, it’s more than he thought they’d ever have again.

When Shepard’s breathing has slowed down once more – the tension easing out of his body – and he’s straightening up next to him, trying to hide the blush on his cheeks, Kaidan nods at the screen.

“What did you think?”

“I, uh.” There’s a long pause as Shepard rubs his neck, glancing around the room. “I think it was… interesting.”

“So you’d like to do this again sometime?”

The laugh is rough, exhausted but happy. “I would love to. And don’t forget the uniform.”


End file.
